This is my first poem, is it any good? Can you also help me with a good title for it.?
The sunlight scatters,
The ambient light blinds
The night starts to fall
While moonlight breaks on water.
Well into this night
You see my favorite, twilight.
This silent makes me forget
To breath, to blink, to reckon.
As the sun finally died,
I can fell the numbness.
The sight I cherished,
Starts to disappear, I perish.
Comments
This is quite excellent. But you know where it says “This silent makes me forget
To breath, to blink, to reckon.” should it not say “The silence makes me forget,
To breath, to blink, to reckon.” i reckon that sounds better. Thats just my opinion though. Keep up the excellent work…
Vanishing
Maybe title it Eclipse or something like that??
It is excellent – A few grammatical corrections
I can FEEL numbness
Disappear ; perish
favorite ; twilight
JMO
It is a fantastic one for a first poem
Yes, I like it. Titles — Endings, Twilight are all I can reckon of for the title.
I can fell the numbness — change to feel
Your poem is in present tense, until the sun died… very excellent use of the changing state of life.
You do not need to capitalize every line — that goes back to the days of the uneducated who could only tell a poem was a poem because each line was capitalized. Today, in a more educated society than the renaissance, you are free to follow a thought through each line and use normal grammar.
You have a rich, untapped talent for this being your first poem!
this is exalent for a firs
Tittle: as night goes to morning ,i dont reckon thats to fantastic but its all i can reckon of
it’s excellent poem, especially for your first!
but :
1, you don’t really have to capitalize in the beginning of every sentence.
2, and it’s “feel” not fell.
3, and you should change “this silent” to “this silence” or “this clarity”. (but that’s just me)
4, also it’s “breathe” not breath.
i like how you wrote the poem though, it has excellent imageries.
you should title it “breaking twilight” or just “twilight”
Leave a Comment